Monday, 25 November 2013

Shark Finning is BAD



I think one thing I did well was that I came in with facts for my first paragraph to give them an idea about how many sharks we kill. At times I think I might have been playing the blame game but I took the part out.

I could work on trying to not to blame people for what ever I am writing about. I did that a couple times in this writing and I had to take it out.


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4 comments:

  1. Anonymous25 November 2013 at 19:50

    I really liked your intro paragraph! I really liked how you put in a lot of emotion in it and made it feel like you were there/ the last person to kill a shark. Just a recommendation is to have an introduction, but you don't need to. Good job, you could really persuade the people that kill sharks.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous25 November 2013 at 19:51

      Thanks Amber! But what do you mean by having a intro? Do you mean in the writing itself or the blog post?

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  2. Anonymous26 November 2013 at 00:35

    You did a wonderful job using a repeating phrase and using transition words. I am convinced. I will never eat anything that has shark fins in it.

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  3. Anonymous26 November 2013 at 02:12

    I have to say, your story does make me want to help and to make a difference. I totally agree with your story too.Whats the point of having shark fin soup if it doesn't even taste like anything?

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